An Amazon Journey

Well, I slept most of yesterday and today followed by a trip to the doctor. I, my friends, have had a “viral intestinal bug.” I won’t describe the symptoms, but suffice to say, a trip to Kroger this morning had me shaking with exhaustion. But all things happen for a reason, grasshoppahs.  [Bowing] During one of my frequent potty breaks in the grocery, I passed the book kiosk in the pharmacy. There was Jillian Michael’s newest book “Making the Cut” just at my eye level.  I had seen it a few weeks ago in the bookstore and thought…”that looks interesting.” I picked it up and began to read. It helped clarify a few things for me. Suddenly I was struck with the notion that I can not act like a gastric bypass patient anymore. I eat pretty much what I want now, although smaller portions than I did during the hefty years. I no longer lose weight just by batting my eyelashes as I have been doing. If I eat too much, I actually GAIN WEIGHT. Go figure! It occurred to me that my journey has normalized. I don’t need to lose a ton of weight anymore. I’m pretty happy with my size, but I want to tone and strengthen my body. So today Jillian’s book was just the body slam I needed. Nothing subtle about God’s hints to Donna Dawn. I also picked up another exercise video. I am also scheduled to start working with a personal trainer again next week. New direction. New self-imposed gauntlet. What have I learned from the last few weeks, you ask?

Obviously, I needed the rest and mental clarity of a few days off.  I needed to forgive past failures and embrace the new me…the one I am still trying to come to grips with.  In one of my support group meetings, I was being rather whiny and asked, “When does it stop being so haaaard? Why do I have to think about this aaaaaall the time??” Our facilitator looked across the room and said in her best tough-love voice, “It never stops being hard. You are going to have to fight every day, every meal,  for the rest of your life.”  It was not the answer I expected. I was a little sucker punched for a few days. And then ….[Hollywood music starts...The sun comes out from behind a cloud...Chorus sings in perfect triadic harmony] Suddenly it didn’t seem like such a terrible penance.  I realized that in knowing the battle has to be fought, I can arm myself and prepare to fight. I may loose skirmishes now and again, but by God, I will not lose the battle.  So, my friends, I came up with title “Amazon Journey” for my blog. That’s what I feel like (besides the thirty year dream of wanting to look like Linda Carter in Gold lame and Red High heel boots)…a warrior woman fighting everyday. The battleground is my mind and body. The skirmeshes are inevitably Nutella- or Cheeze it-based ones. But I will win, folks.

I spent tonight cooking a grand meal with my family and enjoying every bite. What a great way to kick off the weekend. I hope you all have a grand one.

Mwah.