An Amazon Journey

Whew. Two weeks of sluggery  and pain, my friends….and not all of it mine. The Rogers family is recovering from Maddie’s mishap at school with a broken arm and three pins. My loved ones have been suffering. It’s amazing to me how we internalize other people’s pain, how we take that discomfort and morph it into mental and physical stumbling blocks for ourselves. I will admit to many a moment the last few weeks where I have totally thrown in the towel.  I ate what I wanted (a Meximelt from Taco Hell…..AHHHHHHHHHHHH….never again.) I sat on my spreading bum rather than go to the gym or get outside (caught up on my Food Network cravings) and ate more refined sugar than I even did in the old days (pre-WLS). For those of you with little imagination, let me tell you…it was ugly! The effects of all that crap in my system combined with my family’s stress turned me into a different person. I was mean, my friends. Plain mean. Short-tempered. Antagonistic. And just plain pukey, too. I was in a  real nose-dive and heading to the bottom fast. I think most of us know that feeling…that out-of-control downward spiral that you can’t pull out of? I was there.

But then I got a wake-up call. One of my nearest and dearest is going through a rough time in her marriage.  It made me stop and take a look at what I have…and what I don’t. Thanks be to God, it pulled me up short. I realized I was empowered to make changes that I needed to or if no change were forthcoming, I was tough enough to accept some hard truths in ALL areas of my life. It was an incredibly freeing moment. Nothing had changed. I was still toxic, inside and out, but I had a new purpose, a more honest direction in which to walk.  It was then pretty easy to have salmon and salad for lunch that day…and a yogurt for a snack…and to drink my protein drinks again. It was easier to sit and really TALK to my husband and to my friends about what was going on inside. With a whole lot of prayer and getting outside to breathe deep and let go of some garbage, it became crystal clear what I needed to be doing and who I needed to be loving. And suddenly I began to de-sludge. Without graphic physical descriptions, suffice to say…I got rid of stuff, inside and out.

I don’t wish pain on anyone, but it can serve a grander purpose. It can jerk us up short and offer us opportunities to grow and move beyond. Beyond the toxic sludge we bathe in.  So get outside, friends. Offer your prayers to whatever higher power you look toward. Make a list of all the good in your life. I am trying to do each of these three things everyday. And you know what? I fell goooooooooood today.

Blessings to everyone. Kiss and hug someone you wouldn’t normally and spread the love. Maybe I’ll catch one of the bus stop kids this morning and give him some love?

Mwah.