An Amazon Journey

Happy Inaugural Tuesday to all.  I spent a lovely weekend in Alabama seeing my parents. It was a quick trip and sadly we didn’t get to visit with many friends. I hope to escape down another time for friendly catching up. Burns and I experienced Highlands Bar and Grill on Saturday, and it was superb. For those of you who care, I had:

A fresh Bibb salad with roasted pecans and beets. (Yes. Beets. I ate them. AND I like them. Beets are like my all-time least favorite food and I liked them.)

Grilled Pompano with avocado and citrus relish on a bed of roasted fingerling potatoes. (Nuff said. Exquisite.)

Some kind of tart with chocolate ganache and other yummy tidbits (although Burns’ Caramalized Bread Pudding made me cry.)

And fabulous wine…A Dumol Syrah and my contribution…a Francis Coppolla Claret.

Yes, my friends. Life IS good. Follow all this lusciousness by pizza, numerous breakfast buffets, chinese take-out, and lunch at the Seafood Market in Springville, AL, and you’ve got yourself one happy, water-retaining, heifer of a girl. Today, I am drinking my nourishment. Call it a  “cleanse” if you like, but I’m puffier than my Granny’s ankles after a day at a sidewalk sale. I’m running this evening and promise to burn more calories  on the treadmill than I have ingested today. I consider it a small price to pay for such a delicious weekend.

Now on to other stuff. I have just about decided I am going to participate in the Country Music Half-Marathon in April. Will I be able to run 13 miles by then? Bwahhh-haaaaaaaaaa. Haaaaaaaaaaa. Haaa. Ha. …haaaaa. [Wiping a tear.] No. I will not. What I will be able to do is run maybe half and then I’ll walk the rest. The point is that Donna Dawn needs her goals. Give me a date and a potentially embarrassing moment, and I will rise to the occasion. The pool is just out of the question for now. I’m too lazy/thin-skinned/cold-hating to get wet and then walk outside. My plan is to work on strength and stamina while running and spinning. I’ll tackle the water when it’s warmer. I know there are plenty of you who are seasoned vets in the half-marathon. I’ll be calling on you for advice and am looking for help.

I bought a yoga dvd this weekend. I’m adding it to my list of must-dos this evening. If no one hears from me after 9 p.m., call the paramedics.

Blessings to all.

mwah

Six pounds???? I’ve gained six pounds in five days! Is there a God up there? If so, she is licking her silver spoon and laughing her chicklets off at me. Friends, I am wallowing in weight-gain despair. I have actually come to enjoy getting on the scales this year. There has always been some up and down…an occasional three pound uppage after a mighty fine meal, followed by the glorious drop after a lean day of almonds and cottage cheese. I have used the scales as a set of checks and balances. As a friend…not a foe. But today, my friends, I’m just plain perturbed and petulant about the whole affair. I’m ready to take these scales and challenge the laws of physics. Granted, I crunched numbers all day yesterday…my own personal budget and my work budget. Granted…I cleaned out my snack drawer and emptied my mini-fridge while doing it. Granted…I cooked/reheated a mean dinner last dinner (Salmon Croquettes, Buttermilk Mashed Potatoes, Sherried Chickpeas with Arugula, and Tomato and Mozzarella Casserole). Granted…I watched the biggest Loser with my spoon and Nutella in hand. Hmmmmmmmmmm.

[Really--- Long--- Pause]

New plan. I’ll stop at Walgreens and buy some Colon Blow. I will then go to Dirty Krogers and restock with Cottage Cheese and Atkins Bars. Finally, I take the industrial size box of Cheezits out of the supply room at work and ask Monna to hide them in her office. Sound like a plan? I thought so.

I did haul my whiny buttocks to the gym this morning and did three miles. I then whimpered in the floor at home while attempting On-Demand Yoga. The day has just begun my friends…and it’s all uphill from here.

Not in kissing mood today, so hugs to all.

Greetings, dear ones.  It was a very busy weekend. So busy that I had to make choices…whether to work out or whether to do every other thing on my list. Guess what won.

How do athletes do it? Where do you find the drive to work that hard every day? How does one maintain that incredible sense of purpose? I’m clueless. I am so motivated one day, and the next I feel like a slush puppy. To be honest, I am this way in all aspects of my life. This is a character flaw that follows me around like a doppelganger. Good seed vs. bad seed. Motivated, energetic Donna. Nasty, look-at-me-and-I’ll cut-you Donna. Is there some pocket in our souls, some little place where others can reach down inside and pull out their self-discipline like they would their car keys? Perhaps I was born without. That must be it! I’ve never had any sense of discipline. So without whining too much about how it is so OBVIOUSLY my parent’s fault, how can I re-program my DNA? If anyone has a book, magic potion, or pharmaceutical aid that will help me develop or grow some, I’m all over it. Call me, text, or fax. I’m on it.

[Siiiiigh]

Well, I guess as I sit here and digest my mexican fiestagorge and the Heath bar chaser, I need a plan. If I put it out here for all the world to see, perhaps guilt and fear can be my motivators. So here’s the plan:

1. As soon as I post here, I’m heading upstairs and making Burns coach me. We can get down in the floor and do some ab, arm, and leg work.

2. Monday evening- RUN. I’ll haul Maddie to Fairview Rec and get my time in there on the treadmill.

3. Tuesday- SPIN. I have a meeting Tuesday night at church, so it will have to be in the morning before I wake the kiddo up. More strength training in the bedroom floor when I get home.

4. Wednesday- RUN.  I get to go in late on Wednesdays, so I’ll run after I drop Maddie off.

5. Thursday- RUN. Burns and I can go together and do the “Let’s see who can go further/faster without throwing up” bonding thing. He can then push me around a little on the machines and be my Bob.

6. Friday- SPIN at home. We are heading to my birthplace for the weekend to see the parental units, therefore, no gym time. I’ll pack my running clothes and Burn and I can find a time over the course of the weekend to go for an outside run.

As for the weekend- we are indulging! We have reservations Saturday evening at Highlands Bar and Grill. I’m so excited I may pee my pants. All those years in Bham and I never went. Tut, tut.

SO there’s my game plan. PLeeeease feel free if you see me to ask whether I followed through! Fear and guilt can be a beautiful thing. I want to take a moment and make some excuses here. I can NOT take the cold anymore. I used to sweat like a whore in church on Sundays. Not anymore. I have to work REALLY hard to crack a sweat. My fingers and toes stay a lovely shade of lavender. I’m grinding down my teeth chattering all the time. I just wanna stay inside!!!! (If anyone can find a triathlon at a gym-pool swim, stationary bike ride, and treadmill run, I will sing and dance at your wedding.) There. Whining fit over.

Gotta mention here that I took my first yoga class on Saturday morning. Sweet. I’m still feeling the twinges. It was a real wake-up call about strength and balance and my serious lack there of. We should all be doing yoga! I’m going to have to find a way to work that into my schedule. Has anyone found a DVD yoga workout that works for them? Something I can pop in each morning? Or is it something you really need an instructor for? Let me know. As for the class, let me just say…there must be some very happy  men in Franklin, cause there were some incredible flexible ladies on those mats. No one  had ever told me about thooooose benefits.  If everyone finds out, no one will ever leave home. They just stay home, pose, and …well, whatever.

Heigh-ho, heigh ho, it’s up the stairs I go…..

[whistling as I climb......]

Mwah!

[Julie Andrews, eat your heart out....]

“Boys with dark hair who wear little square glasses,

Big soulful brown eyes and cute high-cheeked @$$&$”

(Gotta keep it clean. I work for  a church.)

“Men who do laundry and cook like a dream.

These are a few of my favorite things!”

Interlude: Bum-pum-pum, Bum-pum-pum, Bum-pum-pum, Bum-pum-pum,

“Sweet little pink cheeks and cute belly buttons,

Burns always yelling, “Child, go get some clothes on!”

Big princess parties, and “Mommy, Let’s Sing!”

These are a few of my favorite things!”

“When the dogs fight!

When my checks bounce!

When I’m really bad…

I simply remember the great life I have

And then I don’t feeeeeeeeeeeeeeel so sad!”

A glorious Friday night to all. Mine was spent with delightful women while learning about sacred space. Plus I had two desserts. Mmmmm-hmmmm. TWO. Chocolate just makes my toes curl, friends. Plus, Reader’s Digest just published a smashing new scientific article about how good chocolate is for you and lists its numerous health benefits.  So get some. Today. Yes, right now. By the way,  I have a new recipe for chocolate expresso mousse with marscapone orange cream that I’ll pass along if anyone wants it. It was damn good tonight. And spankings to the last person who used the cayenne pepper in the Otey Kitchen. While making marinara today, the lid came flying off in the pot. I apologize, ladies, if you thought you were having hot flashes during dinner. It wasn’t your hormones. Just my cooking.

Tomorrow I ride AND run.  I had two desserts tonight, therefore…two workouts tomorrow. Plus, bought another bottle of Kim Crawford today along with a Francis Coppola Claret. I’m gonna need to work off some serious alcohol calories tomorrow.  If anyone wants to love on some prime hound flesh, come to the Factory tomorrow from 11-2 for a Greyhound Meet and Greet. Your world will never be the same again.

Good night, friends.

May your dreams be full of chocolate and silky red wine.

Mwah.

[Sniff. Sniff. Tender moment ahead]

Have you ever considered just how much we change throughout the course of our lives?  We age, we get sick and heal, we love and are wounded. Loved ones come and go. These things alter our courses, sometimes only minute shifts, but we are then moved off in new directions. My life was pretty straight-forward until about 10 years ago. I knew where I was going and what life would bring. Bah! Silly girl. Then I turned thirty and was gifted beyond measure. Who would have thought that I would have the riches I have today? Granted, my bank laughs merrily each month at my expense, but I’m talking about heart and mind riches. A husband who loves me and is my partner in every sense. A blue-eyed cherub child who is damn sassy and smart.  Two hounds that have set up  pillowed thrones in my heart. A home I love to return to each night. A job that gets me out of bed excited each day. And friends. Boy, do I have friends. Since starting this blog and joining facebook, I am reminded of old friends. Ones that I have not seen in years. Those friends altered my course years ago. You each sent me off on a private little journey and I thank you for it.

You are wondering what this has to do with TRI training, aren’t you. Well, it has taken a village to raise this child. And yes, I’m a child in many ways- selfish, pouty, and still capable of feverish excitement. My village is continuing to propel me forward, mostly with encouragement and joy and sometimes just by being erascable bastards.  If you are thinking of making changes in your life (just how many resolutions, DO you have?), my advice is to have a buddy. Or two. Or ten. We all need a support system. As of this morning, I am officially half the woman that I was just over a year ago. I got here because of my marvelous support system. There could have been no more fertile field than mine to reap something new.

Yes, I’m waxing a little sappy today.  I’m just happy to be here and so very grateful for those divergent paths.

[SNORT] Now on to business.

I ran into a friend of Burn’s family at the Walmart in KY last week. She had not seen me in a long time and was surprised by my appearance. She asked the question, “How did you do it?!” My first answer was, “Well, I had gastric bypass surgery.” But the answer is so much complicated than that. Yes, I would crawl on my bare knees through glass to have it done again, but those little nip/tucks were just the start. I’ve been thinking about all the ways my life and routine have changed and have come up with a list. (Are you surprised, my friend? This from the woman whose husband and child stuffed her stocking with notepads and pencils?) Here are my radical ideas for weight loss:

1. Be selfish.

I know. Our grandmothers would flutter and faint, but putting ourselves first is sometimes a necessity. You know the old “in case of sudden loss of cabin pressure, put your own mask on first and then place the mask on the child with you” routine? Well, it’s God’s truth! If I don’t honor myself, nourish myself, and feed my spirit, what do I have to offer those I love? How can I nurture and sustain them when I am a shriveled (331 pound) husk of a woman? I looked at Maddie before my surgery and thought, “What kind of woman will she become?” God knows we become our Mothers. (You know I love you, Mom.) I wanted to give Maddie something more. And I wanted more for myself. So I restate- BE SELFISH.

2. Be radical.

All those books about making small changes to ensure success? Crap. They’re crap. I had to cut out part of my body and give up eating meat to get beyond this mountainous barrier I had built around myself. These are most likely not your paths to success, but they were mine. I couldn’t allow myself to eat just that meat and cheese portion of the Quarter-pounder any more.  Nope, give me something new! Some curried tofu, anyone? I highly recommend it.

3. Be accountable.

When I stopped calling my mother and reporting how many pounds I had lost, I stopped losing! You have to have someone who will nail you to the wall. Go ahead and find the meanest, most honest friend you have. Buy him or her that bottle of Kim Crawford and plead with them to be your Bob or Jillian (Biggest Loser fans get this one.) We all need help. So take it when it’s offered.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. I pray that everyone finds a moment of grace today, a moment where you love yourself as much as you love those around you.

Mwah

I love Wednesdays…always have. I have choir practice to look forward to and get to enjoy a morning alone after the kiddo goes to school. Today, Best Man and I are going to Bowie for some high-powered walking. I can actually power-walk now. For years, I thought my stride was just naturally short and slow, and suddenly I’m hoofing. Why is that? Does the lack of inner thigh resistance increase velocity? Or is it that all those years of lugging the equivalent of another person around has built up my foot muscles and they are now huge and overdeveloped? Whatever the reason, I’m loving it. Best Man can actually lope along and I can keep up by picking up my elbow swing and concentrating on lifting each butt cheek for an interesting, albeit goofy gait.

I ran last night. Burns and I hauled Maddie to the Rec Center and ran side by side on the treadmills.  I did two miles, most of it on an incline. This I have discovered is key. It was daunting to train for last fall’s 5K, mostly on the treadmill, and then take it outside a few weeks before the run to find that being outside was sooooooo much harder. Burns’ trainer said that to duplicate the feeling of being outside, you have to use the incline on the treadmill. Frankly, I think one of those sneaky life lessons is hiding in this TRI tip, as well. If I were still in EFM, I would offer this up for theological reflection. Why do you have to work harder, hauling it UPHILL, just to be ready to run the race? Burns and Martha (EFM mentors) if you tackle this one, please let me know what else I’m missing here.

I had a great suggestion from Dr. Jules. She recommended that my friends pick my training tunes.  Please  let me know what some of your favorite workout songs are. I use my ipod both on the treadmill and now on the spin bike. I must say that I’ve wearied of hearing Axel Rose sing Live and Let Die and that Moby is a tired, tired track. I’m a Barbara Streisand, Creed, Strauss, Dolly and Allison, Santana kind of chick. If you have a tune that helps you pick things up or inspires you, please share.  The power of tunes to motivate should be addressed by every coach who dispenses their wisdom.  I must say that crossing the finish line last fall to Leonard Skynard’s Sweet Home, Alabama was mega-sweet.

Here are some of my favorite training songs for those of you looking to compile your own:

1. Flatt and Scruggs- Foggy Mountain Breakdown. (It’s so Keystone Cops, but I smile while I am warming up.)

2. Barbara Streisand- Don’t Rain on my Parade (This one will have you shouting at the top of your lungs. I AM Barbara when I sing this.)

3. Judy Garland- Get Happy

4. Santana- Smooth

5. Moby’s extended play version of the James Bond Theme. (Sipping Martini’s and looking sexy as hell while sweating on the treadmill. Yep, that’s me.)

6. Theme to Mission Impossible (Yes, I admit it. I pretend to be running from the bad guys…looking all damp and glamorous while I do it.)

7. Foreigner’s Hot Blooded

8. Lenny Kravitz- American Woman (Talk about moving your butt cheeks in synchronicity…this makes me mooooove.)

9. Ike and Tina’s Proud Mary

I have more and will continue to add them if folks are interested. I’m going to figure out how to post your replies. Many of you have offered up some great thoughts that others could benefit from so I would love to share them.  Damn blog should come with an Idiot’s Guide. You’ll be the first to know when I figure it out.

—Random thought alert!—

Wine recommendations from last night’s reading: One of my favorites made the top 100 list. Kim Crawford’s Sauvignon Blanc 2008! Go get yourself a bottle. You’ll love the citrusy fruit-forward notes and balanced acidity. (Ahhhhhhhh- I always wanted to say that!!)

Happy Hump Day, my friends. I’ll leave you with that classic Irish blessings:

May the road rise to greet you.

May your socks stay dry.

Take your sassy self outside

and give running a try.

Mwah.

Greetings, all. Thank you for the many replies to my first post. My cup truly runneth over with loving and supportive friends.  Last night was damn cold and wet, ergo, no trip to the gym. I did, however, get on the four-year-old spin bike and cycle my way to sweat bliss. It’s funny. It’s been four years since I have gotten on that bike (had to dust serious cobwebs and lug it from the sitting room) and over eight years since I have been in a spin class. It really DOES all come back to you. I plugged in my pod and warmed up, sprinted, climbed, did one-legged turns, and heaved like a circus elephant pulling the big top. And it was grand. My dear husband then got me down in the floor (…naughty thoughts for a clean website!…) and helped me with some new ab exercises he learned from his talented trainers. Not my original plan, but a satisfying evening. (I even had time to clean out my closet.)

I re-learned something important last night while reading  my Idiot’s Guide to Triathlon Training (I hear you laughing!) The idea of training in all these new and different sports, taking care of my husband, tot, and dogs, maintaining a modestly clean toilet and non-hazardous fridge,  while still earning a paycheck has been daunting. How could I manage? What will I have to let go?  Who will I disappoint? When will I possibly sleep? And then I read the little paragraph on page 179 entitled “Making it all Fit.” They outline three elements necessary for training for a TRI.

1. Time management

2. Creativity

3. Flexibility

Is this a life lesson or what? Aren’t these three elements critical for everyday loving and living? We all struggle with calenders, school schedules, work demands, and the need for some self-indulgence.  How to make it work and stay sane is the puzzle. So that is how I am looking at this mountainous task today.. as tiny pieces of an ever-changing plan…small puzzles inside of larger ones.   I needed a food plan this morning so I wouldn’t lose it and run screaming to Dirty Kroger and buy more Nutella. So I stopped and bought almonds, cottage cheese, and my beloved Atkins bars to keep in my desk. Oh yeah…gotta stay hydrated, so I added a gallon of Milos Sweetened with Splenda tea. (Just to keep things interesting while I nibble I picked up the Wine Spectators guide to the year’s 100 best vinos. I’ll be happy to post recommendations tomorrow.) I have a plan to run tonight with Burns. He’s cooking dinner…something fabulous he planned last week. (Don’t EVER let Mr. Roger’s laugh at MY need for lists. He reigns supreme in patterning his life on paper.) I plan on making my excel training spreadsheet today while I sit at my desk for lunch.  I hope to bathe, read my last Idiot’s guide chapters, AND be in bed by 10:00 p.m.

Bigger puzzle? Well, I decided last night to spend January and February working on building my basic skills in all three areas: swimming, biking, and running. I will also be adding a LOT of core abdominals work to keep me strong and some stretching for flexibility. (You know how we girls like to brag about our flexibility…but that’s on my OTHER blog.) By March I need to be transitioning… putting the sports together. Swim laps and then get out of the pool and hop on the bike…or bike around Franklin and then run. Hopefully by May I can have all three skill sets transitioning fluidly. If anyone has suggestions, I’m open to them. I’m creatively devising a training plan that I’m comfortable with that manages my time while allowing for the flexibility of altering that schedule should the need arise. “By George”, she shrieks. “I think I’ve got it!” At least I do as of day two.

Mwah.

Okay, friends. Day one of my new journey. I do hereby solemnly swear that I commit to completing a baby triathlon on Memorial Day 2009.

O, ye goddes, I’ve done it. If you are reading this, you now have legal permission to kick my butt every time I blow off running or you see me eating that next can of Pringles. I’m a girl who does loves her transfat-potato combos.

As most of you know, I had gastric bypass surgery a little over a year ago. (13 months and 26 days) I have lost 162 pounds and feel great. While the last year has been amazing, it has provoked quite a bit of soul searching. One does not get to 331 pounds by having reasonable internal dialogue and a healthy psyche. I still don’t have those every day, but I’m getting closer thanks to a loving and supportive husband, witty, sassy friends, and a damn good psychologist. (Please…if you are not in therapy now…RUN to the yellow pages and find yourself someone. It will add years to your life and gosh, darn it, people will like you better.) And now I have you. Wooo-hoooo.

My reason for starting this blog today is to give voice (and e-space) to my fears, anxieties, crap moods (don’t sign off yet), joys and pride in accomplishing hitherto unknown feats, and the joy of living each day as a healthier, more active woman. And frankly, I need all the help I can get. I have found that without goals and daily motivation, I sit and can actually feel my butt broaden, millimeter by millimeter. Granted, I watch the Biggest Loser, but I eat spoonfuls of Nutella while I do it. So here I am, world. I’ll try to upload a pic soon. I HATE that, by the way. I don’t even have one of myself. At my monthly WLS support group meetings, folks proudly display pictures of themselves at their fattest. All I can think is, “You actually KNOWINGLY posed for a camera thereby recording your obesity to share with humanity??” Not me, friends. If you have a picture of me fat, please feel free to send it to me, because I had a built-in radar for photographic appliances back in those days. I could feel one burning holes in people’s pockets and could magically teleport to a camera-free zone.

So tonight is a running night. I’m gonna haul my wide butt down to the Fairview Rec Center and see what I can do. I’m working on a training schedule for myself and have had some friends from St. Paul’s who have said they are interested in training, as well. We’ll see how four women with vastly different schedules who live in the four corners of the county will manage, but with a little motivation, we will.

Speaking of motivation, I had a brilliant thought this morning at 4:48. Jars of Nutella and Silver Spoons at the finish line of the Triathlon! Yep….I thought so, too. Mega-brilliant.

Hi-ho, hi-ho, back to work I go. Day One for this forty-year-old vegetarian, feminist, Democratic Amazon!